The Battery Is Dead
I have absolutely no energy. Ok, that's not correct. I have NEGATIVE amounts of energy. Sitting, without moving at all, feels achingly painful. It's like I have shards of glass under my skin, tearing jagged wounds every time I make the slightest motion. I haven't read the bible in about a week and a half, nor have I done ANY of the steps home work for this week (and today is supposed to be the second to last day of this week's home work). I'm so tired, apathetic, sluggish, depressed, and in all possible ways lethargic that there seems no possible way to motivate myself out of this slump. I have been (sporadically) praying about this desert period, but part of the desert is the ambivalence to all action.
Obviously this is yet another sign of my spiritual immaturity. My faith and obedience should not be affected by my exhaustion and emotions. Why is that so easy to say and so difficult, no, even nearly impossible to live?
The "Summation" of this week in Steps at the Village:
"God came into human history in the person of Jesus Christ to provide a remedy for the insanity of our sin and a way back into fellowship with God. We have hope of redemption through the gospel of Jesus Christ. He did what we cannot in overcoming sin, suffering, death and shame. He lived a perfect life, absorbed the wrath that we deserved and was resurrected from the dead so that those who believe in Him might live. He promises new life, the forgiveness of sins and the Holy Spirit to those who will repent and trust in Him. We came to believe that by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, we can be restored. Not only do we get a taste of restoration in this life, but upon Christ’s return, we will see the fullness of what has been promised."
The Prayer for Steps this week:
"I am learning how I have attempted to live in a sinful world, independent of You and have developed dysfunctional patterns of coping based in lies that have led to chaos. I am becoming to see the deceit in my life but realize I will not overcome it without asking for Your help. Help me to become open-handed and willing to allow You to change me in Your timing and ways.
In Jesus name, Amen."