To My Dearest Little No
To my second- born son, Noah, at 3:37am Dearest No,
When you woke me up an hour ago to feed you and change your milk-sodden clothes I thought about how much I want you to know my deep love and infinite affection for you. Your daddy and I didn't see you coming. You were our beautiful Christmas Surprise and everyday you continue to surprise me with your beautiful spirit and cheer! I remember the first time I held you. You were very white and covered in goo and you had the most stupendous frown (a frown you still pull out for very dramatic effect when your tummy is empty and milk isn't coming fast enough). How you melted me from that first moment!
I have always loved your older brother Jude so fully and widely--a vast vista of limitless sky and bluff--that I was shocked to see I had JUST AS MUCH love for you! I love you two so completely and yet so uniquely. I love Jude the Judiest! I love you, Noah, the Noahiest! There's no competition! You both win first place in my deep affections. How blessed am I to have two boys--two VERY different boys--with such rich personalities and charm!
I wish there were a simple way to show you how much I care for you. I love how you transformed my lonely toddler into a loving and oh so proud older brother. I love how you coo and chortle when I make ridiculous faces at you just to hear you laugh. I love that you grunt and squeak and serenade every feeding with a thousand little happy sounds. I love your bald head with only the slightest half-crown of hair rimming its base.
I love that you're up for a meal day or night, regardless of how much you've already put away in that tiny body of yours. I love that you're only just 3 months old and I can already clearly see your joyful disposition and good humor. I love that you have your daddy's face but my lizard-lips as the only small witness to my contribution.
The short of it, sweet No, is that I love you for the joy you bring to even the smallest moments in my life. Those short slivers of time--- as I carry you to the car or change your vomit-drenched outfit for the 8th time--when you look up at me and grin from ear to ear, flood my soul with pure delight! In the words of the poet e.e. cummings:
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
You have made our lives so very, very blessed! How I love you and lift my heart in praise and thanks to God for brining you into my life!
Kisses, hugs, and so much love, Mommy