The Cruelty of Expectations


Maybe you don't have this problem, but I'm a sucker for disappointed expectations. I build things up in my head, inflating the scene until it's bloated to the bursting point, and then am inevitably disappointed by the much less impressive reality. The cruelest part is my (ridiculous) expectations for myself. I always, always see myself as the pathetic stand-in for the me that should have showed up in stunning perfection ages ago. This frequently leads me to a "grass is always greener" mentality, ripe with discontentment. When I was single, I was convinced a great boyfriend would bridge the restless gap. When I was dating Justin, I believed being more committed or engaged would cure me. This failing too, I placed very high expectations in my wedding and marriage. Then it was our new baby that would fix everything... Etc.

If I've learned anything from Pinterest it's that you're life will never reflect your idea of perfection. Your wedding will never look like a woodland-chic fairytale; you won't be wearing Vera Wang's latest masterpiece; He wont be able to buy you a tiffany's ring; the illustrated and unique letterpress invitations will be far too expensive; and you won't honeymoon in Europe. Your home won't look like Domino Magazine's modern, colorful interiors. Oh, and you'll be too exhausted from cleaning said house to ever make those creative and delicious recipes you've stockpiled. But strangely that's good news. Really, really good news!

I desire more dazzle, more sleek perfection because I am wired to do so. I desire eternity, the never fading, new every morning kind of reality only possible in the intimate presence of God.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11 ESV)

And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him, (Hebrews 5:9 ESV)

Thank you Father that I'm not perfect, but that you are! Thank you for giving me the desire for perfection so that I might better see my desperate need for you and chase after you all my days!