I'm going to be honest. The last five days have sucked. Majorly. The kind of suckiness that makes you want to close the blinds, turn off the lights, and bury yourself under a thick comforter. O.k., maybe really it's been more like the last month. But the last five days = the peak of mount suckiness that the past month has been leading up to. So here I am, standing at suckiness peak and enjoying the view. Here's the back story:
(I've changed names and a few of the details to protect... well myself, I guess. I don't want to lose my job for being "too honest" online. So bare with me and please, use your imagination. Italics = metaphoric content. )
Three weeks ago, my boss starts this project.
B (B for Boss): "I want a horse, a beautiful horse that prances, and jumps fences, chews hey, whinnies, and trots like a champion! This is IMPORTANT. This will take up much of your time in the next three weeks. So don't focus on anything else, just make me the most incredible horse I've ever seen!
Me: O.k., I think I can do that! It sounds fun. Let me sketch some horses out and see what you think!
B: Great! But remember, this horse needs to be really big, bigger than an elephant, so we don't want to make any mistakes or EVERYONE will see them!
Me: Yikes! A huge horse. Got it.
B: I don't want you to have to worry about anything besides making this horse, so I'll have Franklin contact the pasture in which the horse will be trotting, and tell you everything that you need to know. I also have Laura gather all of the horse's materials together so you won't have to hunt for a thing. We've got to make this VERY organized.
Me: Organized is good. I love it!
///////****************** Fast forward a Few Days *****/////////
F (for Franklin): So the pasture guy got back to me and all we need is a horse that is large and likes to eat grass. And he needs to be penned in so he can loop around the yard infinitely. But no gate.
M: But most of the horses that we make don't have pens. They're free-ranging. Why on earth would we have to use something as archaic as a pen?!
F: I don't know, but the guy who works the pasture on Saturday says he doesn't mind free-range, pens, or fences. Just Friday/Sunday guy needs the pen.
M: That's dumb but whatever.
///////****** Fast forward Two Weeks - The Night before the event *****/////////
F: So eventhough you've spent your entire day building fences for the giant horse, it actually need to be a 4:3 fence ratio, not a standard fence ratio of 16:9.
Me: WHAT?! You're kidding . . .
****Around this time my fence and horse making machine (or computer) skitzed out and I lost all of my files from the last three years, including said Giant horse with 16:9 fence. All I had left was the completed horse and fence, without any of its materials. **********
Me: How am I supposed to re-build a fence in a ratio of 4:3 without any project files and in the next 12 hours? It took me three weeks WITH everything to make the last one!
B: You just have to figure it out.
/****** Twelve failed attempts later, 3 hours before the event, and still only have 16:9 fence for giant horse. Also, computer deleted most of my half-made fences in the process of creating them (I desperately need a new comp!)
B: So are we going to get the fence in time or what?!
F: *looks at me*
Me: I'm not sure yet. I'm trying another solution but it will take another 5 minutes for me to know whether or not it will work out.
B: That's not the right horse! It needs to be a unicorn!
Me: But we were told it was a horse.
B: But you didn't ask what type of horse? You just assumed it was a hornless horse?
F: * .. . . . . . *
Me: Well, since no one said anything about horns, I assumed it was just your standard equestrian beast. I figured if it were something special or out of the ordinary, we would have been told.
B: So you didn't ask.
F: * .. . . . . . *
Me: No, sorry! I should have. But when I googled horses and pastures when we first discussed this process, unicorns never came up.
B: Well I need a solution. Get me a unicorn. I need it now! I don't care if you have to spend $1000, just get me a Unicorn!
Me: I'm not sure that's possible.
Be: Make it possible. We need a solution. I don't care how much it costs, but you must get me a unicorn in the next three hours!!
Ending: I did in fact end up making the unicorn in the 4:3 pen but it almost killed me. And I cried. Alot. Pretty much everything that could go wrong, did go wrong, again, and again, and again, and again, until I was waiting for gravity to reverse and for all of us to start randomly floating toward the ceiling. Realty has been a punk these last few days... The kind of punk that steals your macbook and wallet, gives you a black eye, and hijacks your facebook account so that he can post mean things "from you" on all of your friends walls. (Yes, Justin R. Smith, that terrible analogy was just for you.)
But throughout this process, God has revealed 3 things that I am incredibly thankful for (Take notes, all you unicorn-makers):
1: God is in charge of everything. I believe this more and more with every evidence of his work. I don't mean that he's abstractly in charge of everything, (as if he has the keys to the engine but is currently sitting in the break room enjoying an egg salad sandwich). I believe He's actively in charge of everything, maneuvering the trying and painful circumstances in my life for His glory and my greatest joy. "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28
2: Friendship soothes the soul. I honestly can't imagine how I would have gotten through the past few days if it hadn't been for the prayers, encouraging words / texts / emails, and jokes from my sweet friends! Friends are truly a gift from God!
3: My boys can cure any mood. Even the worst day melts away at the sight of my three boys. Playing legos with Jude and Noah, writing goofy songs on the iPad with garage band, and sipping Nespressos on our tree-lit deck with Jusje makes the world feel perfect.
So here's to you magical unicorn in a 4:3 pen! May you enjoy your gallops of glory and may I never, never, never have to see you again!