Oh that sweet addiction

I'm pretty sure I have a problem. Ok, I'm positive. If that we're all it took to get better--step one in AA's handbook--I'd have leaped over to the banks of recovery a while ago. But alas, life's rarely so facile. There's this section in one of my psychology texts (the big navy volume on my non-fiction bookshelf, between Oliver Sacks and Mary Roach) that says true addiction can easily be defined by a habit lasting 3 years or longer. Mine has lasted 10, so by that standard I'm two beats away from a lost cause. Yes, mes amis, I'm talking about Starbucks.

Don't laugh. Seriously.

I mean being addicted to Starbucks is arguably more difficult to shake than most "grislier" addictions. Don't believe me? Here's the data:

Item One - The Proximity Problem: If you're addicted to crack, let's say, you probably have one, maybe two suppliers. Granted, I've never done drugs or even smoked, but I've watched my share of Guy Richie and CNN, and I'm pretty sure that makes me a lay-expert on the machinery of illicit drug rings.

So you've got your guy, Eddie, who gets you your drug and you have a set time and meeting place. Miss the time and spot and where do you get your goods? Right, nowhere! Starbucks figured that one out right out of the gate. That's why there's hyperbolic Eddies on every corner. They're so in-bred now, Starbucks a peering across the street from Starbucks b.